She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
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At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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