I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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