After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
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She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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