Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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