you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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