why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize