If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize