dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
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I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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