The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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