you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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