Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize