I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize