I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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