so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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