hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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