im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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