you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Never underestimate the power of titties
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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