I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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