sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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