Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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