I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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