a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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