God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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