he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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