So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
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We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
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You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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