Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
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I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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