hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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