Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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