I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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