ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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