I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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