Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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