I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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