I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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