FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize