We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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