so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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