So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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