Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize