I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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