We won't sleep together?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
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I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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