just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize