I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize