he puts the penis in happiness.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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