You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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