I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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