I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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