The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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