when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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