I looked at my own cervix.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize